An Election Nightmare

I walked in to the building where I voted every time there is an election. It is as I remember, except for one thing. There were two men dressed in a SWAT police style uniform moving around and looking. I tried to keep my eyes off of them and went strait to the person checking registered voters names.

"Brian Ogan", I said. After receiving my ballot - the infamous punch card - I headed to an empty booth, pausing to let the armed officer by. I think he looked at me. Did a quick smile and then scampered inside. I always had to reread the instructions to these darn things. Okay, this side up, got to get the pegs into those two holes, where is the thing you punch the holes with, etc. Flipped it over and I saw the names of all the presidential candidates running. Bush and Kerry was in 36-point size. Everyone else 8-point.

Taking my glasses off, since I am near sighted, I put my nose right up to the ballot looking for Badnarik. Think I found him. Noted the hole number, since their size is consistent at least. I straiten back up and put my glasses back on. Oh gee, I think I got some of my body fluids on it. Oh well. I grab the puncher and raised it high. Well as high as the string it was connected to allowed it. Noting the hole I stabbed it.

And that is when all hell broke loose.

I failed to notice that the platform was supported by rusty legs. It crashed. The booth then toppled over. I just stood there, dumbfounded, holding the puncher in me hand. One of the armed officers pointed his gun at me and yelled, "Put that weapon DOWN!" Everybody then screamed and ducked for cover. I let it go and the other one slammed me to the ground and put on some handcuffs. The first one then looked at the damage and noticed my snot and saliva on the ballot. He got his radio and said, "This is Officer number eighteen thirty-six, we caught a terrorist with a biological WMD. Possible flu virus." He then asked the one holing me if I was sick. He pulled out some dust and pepper from his pocket and hold it to my nose. Everyone else screamed and ran out of the building after I sneezed. "Yep! Bring along some bio-containment personnel."

And so came a number of FBI agents and men in biohazard suits. They put me into a bubble and shipped me to our local airport. Everyone thought my name is 'terrorist'. I got on a plane and was checked for the flu and other contagious viruses while on it. They discovered I didn't had the flu. When asked why I acted to be sick, I told him about the dust and pepper. They all laughed and one of the military doctors stuck a tweezer up my nose, saying, "You pretended to be sick, you spread snot all over the place, and damaged government property. You tried to subvert this election! TERRORIST!" He then pulled the tweezer out, taking several of my nostril hairs along with it.

got off the plane at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Since it was Ramadan, I didn't got my bread and water till late that night. Worse, the speakers kept playing over and over again "I love you, you love me" by the purple dinosaur Barney.

I was about to doze off when two MPs ran in, punched me a few times, and had handcuffs and a blindfold put on me. They then sent me to the interrogation room. First they shown that my plot failed, but the article they gave me didn't said who won. In addition, since I voted for the Libertarian candidate, the current congress and senate rushed through a bill that declared the party a bunch of terrorist-sympathizing anarchists. After all, a tape was just released with Badnarik screaming "ALLAH AKBAR!". So he too was arrested, for the second time in the past few months. They asked me a bunch of questions like, "Who else works in your terrorist cell?", "Where is bin Ladin?", "How can a cat send e-mail?", and "Do you have any Muslim friends?" When the lie detector machine went crazy after saying this, they started pulling nostril hairs until I spoke. Eventually I cracked and said I don't know where they live since they are just e-pals.

"They? THEY?!?"

"Well I just contacted someone last week on Interpals and..."

"Interpals? AHA! A new terrorist website!" The interrogator got on the phone and ordered Interpals to be investigated. They threw me back into my prison cell with Barney continuing his singing. I finally got some sleep.

I woke up in my bed, my alarm going off. "Its Tuesday, November second, and its election day!"